Monday, September 10, 2012

she who has been: on thin ice


Good morning.


Its 7:25AM KT and Im eating corn, the one that I bought yesterday on my way home.

Honestly, I don’t want to eat but there’s nothing to do. Yes, I brought a book with me but dang! I should be working by this time. Opening eBooks and talking to people. Feeling sleepy while talking, walking in place just to wake me up etc but now, I did FB just to have something to do. IM my friend Mhinnie and pour her some of my stress though its still very early.

Im  down. Totally. This never happened to me before ‘( I wnt to cry. I want to walk. I want time to think. But dang! I feel so not good.

They say I’ll have trainings for a month, Mind Training. That’s the term they used but hell, what’s that. They didn’t give me any curriculum of the things that I should be doing. I didn’t have a trainer. They can’t even explain what on earth mind training is. 
 
Today [sigh], I really don't know what will happen to me.
Good luck.


..closed

Friday, September 7, 2012

she who has been: not existing

Yap!

I came to the office this morning. Checked my account and there, I didn't have an account. It says, I DON'T EXIST. As in nothing, I asked one of my colleagues to view my account, I'm thinking that maybe I'm just typing the password wrong but according to her, nothing. My previous records were erased, maybe not in the main server but to the general public I don't exist. My head also asked about my status and according to her the manager in Korea thought I'm not working here anymore.
 
So, what am I now?
 
According to the management, it was my fault but really, I won't be like this if not for them. I had a good start and then this. They are the source of my predicament, my stress, my worries. They told me that they'll be giving me a chance, they will put me in re-training program for a month but I wont be getting any client until they see that 'I'm ready' to get clients again. I said OK [of course]. When I asked what the training would be and the contents so I could prepare. It's a "mind training". What the hell is mind training? Yoga? Anger management? Was that invented only for me?
 
They wanted me to change schedule from my original 4:30AM MT - 1:30PM MT to 9:00-6:00PT MT. I said no. Why because I have life after work and I have other activities and appointments in those time. Since, what they did was no warning they couldn't make me change what my schedules are for their whims. And where the hell is the HR manager? We don't have any, for a month now. And they are making rules like that.
 
Maybe, I didn't understand everything that they wanted to say or tell but hell that's the reason we need everything to be in black and white. That's the reason we need a Filipino HR manager, yes?
 
What should I do? > . <
 
... closed
 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

she who has been: ???

I didn't go to work this morning.

I came from work last night. I only had biscuits for the whole day which is so very unlikely of me. I love to eat. I savor food. I enjoy eating but since last Tuesday, food tasted nothing and it seems like my body couldn't stomach any.

I'm tired but I couldn't sleep. I want to sleep. I love sleeping, well who doesn't. Maybe some prefer not to sleep but not me. I take 10 to 20 minute naps at work at times but not for the passed two days. 
 
I tried not to think much. I started thinking of birds, food whatever but I feel empty. I read to pass time and well, to become sleepy but its already passed midnight I was still awake. So I prepared my things for this morning then took a warm bath and set my cellphone and started counting backwards. I have to do it many times because I kept reaching 1 and still nothing. I don't know what time was it when I dozed but I woke up with my phone ringing.
 
dang! Our head lead was calling me. I'm already late for work. In that moment I knew there will be hell in the office and I don't think I would be able to handle it properly. I told my head that I'll be on sick leave.
 
dang! I feel sick already. Then I went back to bed but again, I couldn't sleep. I kept on pacing around the room thinking that dizziness and tiredness would make me sleep. I started reading but nothing. It only gave me headache.
 
Later in the afternoon, I met my colleague in the other job. She said my skin is 'hot'. I actually feel feverish. I only have sandwich from yesterday for brunch. The sandwich was supposedly my lunch yesterday and it ended up my brunch the today.
 
Again, eating and sleeping are becoming a nuisance to me. I know I need energy, power or I'll end up with liver problems.
 
I'm getting weak.
closed...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

she who has been: lost


I came to the office, took calls and that’s it.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was so bothered. Every time I closed my eyes I see my schedule. I hear their voices telling me words that I couldn’t understand. I kept buying food this morning but I couldn’t eat it. Its just there, sitting on my desk. Until now, every time I eat, I keep on running to the ladies room and throw up. I seems like there's a lump in my stomach, just below the ribs. Food is getting difficult to digest. People are getting hard to understand. When I walk, some of my friends have to stop me because according to them they call me but it seemed like I'm in another dimension. I haven't slept since I woke up last night. I tried to count, meditate and listen to nature sound just to sleep but dang! nothing.
 
How long this situation will be like this?
 
closed...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

she who has been: hwuaaat !?!


I came to work early and when I opened my account, whoalla half of my clients are all gone.

I finished all my calls at 8:00AM KT then nothing. I waited for the managers to arrive and ask what had happened. I mean yesterday only I had 32 and now I have 14, first ever in my 4-year stay here. My team lead can’t give me any answers. She too was surprised. She even told me that maybe I’ll get promoted or whatever. But I am having a bad feeling already.

When Nathan [manager] came, I wasn’t able to help myself and ask me. I’m in full blast. He didn’t answer any of my questions. Yes, he talked but all the talks were nonsense, not because I’m not listening or something, but the answers were not direct. He kept telling me things that didn’t explain the reason why my clients were gone.

I listened and downloaded sound files and some of the clients only knew that I wont be calling them. One thought I'm fired. Words are important to me, to us. That’s how we get clients. Recommendations, word of mouth and all. But hearing it from one of our clients is already big.

They talked to me around 12nn, I demanded a witness and brought my team lead there. They told me that mt status from last year to this year went really low which I didn’t know. They told that one of my clients complained, which I was not informed, and I had many complains before which I didn’t know. I asked for proof and they only showed me the most recent one according to them but the rest, nil.

They said they observed [their words] my calls and I sounded arrogant when talking to clients, I wonder why I'm not informed? Why I did not get any warnings? For more or less 4 years of working, I didn’t receive any letters from them warning me or whatsoever.

I was scared. I might lose a job anytime soon though they told me that they wont kick me out. But words are cheap. I honestly don’t trust them especially the owner. Why? He fired employees like a dirty and used tissue.  Why am I not feel threatened? I may have work today but how about tomorrow? Next week? Or next month? I have been working here for 4-year straight and all of a sudden half of my clients are all gone.
 
After they talked, well they only talk and never let me explained my side or whatsoever, I asked for a written and signed document from them, stating that they wont kick me out suddenly because I have less clients. I mean again, I felt threatened and feeling threatened until now. I need a little hint of security. They sometimes used the number of clients to kick people here so I have thought of that. But they didn't.
 
According to them, in Phillippines, people always want everything to be in papers but not in Korea. They use verbal aggreement. I was like whoaht! You are in the Philippines. Running a company in the Philippines. With employees coming from the Philippines. They are also subjected to Philippine law eventhough they kept telling me that that's not how they do it in Korea.
 
Scattered.

... closed

Thursday, August 9, 2012

she who has been: reading and listening to TED

Yes. Im a sucker of commencement speech and after reading and listening to the late Steve Jobs speech in Harvard, here's another one I like from JK Rowling in 2005 Commencement Speech also in Harvard University.

"President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.
The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, the law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step to self improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that have expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that would never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. I know that the irony strikes with the force of a cartoon anvil, now.

So they hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I personally will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.


And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners.

Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, people who have been kind enough not to sue me when I took their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish you all very good lives.

Thank-you very much."


- Harvard University Gazette

.. closed

Sunday, July 1, 2012

she who has been: attending wedding

UNINVITED !!!

hahaha

My girlfriends and I went to church yesterday before going to Ice Bar in Antipolo but when I arrived, there was a wedding about to be held. I was the first time that any of us crashed a wedding. Well, we decided to finish the wedding before roaming around the church. 

I like the priest who ministered the wedding. He didn't rush the wedding and when he talked, very solemn. I like their choir. The male soloist was really good. What I didn't like about the wedding was the vows. The couple repeated what the good padre said. The wedding took an hour to finish. We were joking around if we'll going to attend the reception as well hahaha


  

closed.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

she who has been: checking videos on You Tube

and I saw this one ^^,

 
Uploaded by on Jul 5, 2006

I Believe I Can Fly lyrics
Songwriters: Kelly, Robert;

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meanin' of true love
I'm leanin' on the everlasting arms

If I can see it then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it


I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breakin' down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me oh

If I can see it then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me runnin' through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

Hey 'cuz I believe in me
If I can see it then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me runnin' through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

Hey if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly
Fly yyyy



Lyrics copy from http://www.elyrics.net


I love this song then and I love this song now, I think especially now ^^

... closed

Saturday, May 12, 2012

she who has been: listening positively

Here's another one from TED's, as inspiring as always.

Uploaded by  on Jun 30, 2011

Here's a little info about the speaker from YouTube:


Shawn Achor is the winner of over a dozen distinguished teaching awards at Harvard University, where he delivered lectures on positive psychology in the most popular class at Harvard.

His research and lectures on happiness and human potential have received attention in The New York Times, Boston Globe, The Wall Street Journal, as well as on NPR and CNN Radio, and he travels around the United States and Europe giving talks on positive psychology to Fortune 500 corporations, schools, and non-profit organizations.

Achor graduated magna cum laude from Harvard with a BA in English and Religion and earned a Masters degree from Harvard Divinity School in Christian and Buddhist ethics. 

Now he is the CEO of Aspirant, a Cambridge-based consulting firm which researches positive outliers-people who are well above average-to understand where human potential, success and happiness intersect. Based on his research and 12 years of experience at Harvard, he clearly and humorously describes to organizations how to increase happiness and meaning, raise success rates and profitability, and create positive transformations that ripple into more successful cultures.

In Shawn's TEDxBloomington presentation, he says that most modern research focuses on the average, but that "if we focus on the average, we will remain merely average." He wants to study the positive outliers, and learn how not only to bring people up to the average, but to move the entire average up. 

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she who has been: listening to TED

I think I've visited TED before but I can't remember when and what I watched, and forget it. It was a few weeks back when one of my "children" brought it up again. Since then, I've been watching at least one or two videos from the site and now, here is Steve Jobs commencement speech at Standford University.


Uploaded by  on May 14, 2008 YouTube.com

The script is Standford University News:

" I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.


The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography

If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.


My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.


When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much. "

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

she who has been: looking for some love haha

... not really but well why not hahaha

I was searching for paranormal videos [well for no purpose at all while waiting for the time, I'll leave at 8PM and its still 7:40] when all of a sudden I ended up with a video on where a man proposed to his girl by the bridge. So now, I ended up searching for latest proposal videos, how men now propose to their girls and here are some of my finds:

Part 1
Uploaded by  on Aug 21, 2011

This guy was singing while his girl was obviously sitting on a chair. According to the info, the girl was under the impression that it was a birthday shout out for her. The guy was by the way competing in a Karaoke competition. Then all of a sudden [2:24] the guy kneeled in front of the unsuspecting girl and there you were, a ring in hand with roar in the crowd. 

Isn't the sweet and well I think original ^^, 

I'll find more and this page will be updated as I fill my top 10 ^^,

*updating after a week / 0512


I really cant help but find these videos preferable when I see the men nervous ^^,

Published on Apr 24, 2012 by 

2. I find this one really sweet and cute, well the bride to-be is truly cute though, and it's good that the guy did it in English ^^, I wonder who was his accomplished [the people with him]. I mean are they his friends or are they from a marriage-proposal company?


Uploaded by  on May 16, 2011

Uploaded by  on Dec 22, 2011

3. The first video was a proposal as Matt [groom-to-be] proposed to his lady, Ginny in a movie theater. I find it funny especially when the groom to-be stopped first and bought popcorn hahaha

The second one was the wedding ceremony itself. I think the groom was more nervous than the bride and it's very refreshing. I love the part when Matt [close, are we not? haha] [3:28] was trying to breath properly and after the "smooch" he said "I love you,sandwich." [4:02] or I heard it wrong?

Anyways, I love these two videos ^^,

Uploaded by  on Sep 5, 2011
4. On the other hand, this proposal is really funny hahaha
The guy is a lady killer and I think the bride to be will have the funniest journey in her lifetime. Its very sweet and fun ^^,


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she who has been: very excited

.. with Naruto's current improvement.

YAP! You bet guys ^^, I'm a big fan of Japanese Anime well as long as they write or translate it in English since I can't read any Japanese characters.

I have been reading and watching Naruto series and damn isn't it long.
As in so freaking loooonnnngggg !!!

It's like Dragon Ball Z all over again. Anyways, episode 570 titled Kurama, Naruto and his beast already settled [some of] their differences. Naruto decided to open Kurama's [the 9 tailed fox] cage ^^,

I'm so gonna like this new improvement ^^,
I can't wait to watch it too ^^,


Naruto 570 - Page 15


more update next time and maybe, I'll include more of my favorite anime as well.
I have some readings to do now ^^,

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she who has been: missing

.. Linkin Park.
I've been loving these boys from the moment I heard In the End and here they are singing Adelle.


Again, I prefer to upload the one with lyrics so I can sing with it.
I saw the video when they sang on stage and as much as I wanted to upload that one, well I really need the lyrics, guys. I'm no good without lyrics mind you.

Enjoy singing.
Don't forget to clap/tap your hands and play it to the beat ^^,


...closed

she who has been: searching for good videos to post

and I found this!


I was originally thinking how can I post Rusell Peters Red, White and Brown comedy show in full but the only videos I saw are clips from YouTube. While doing so, I checked my facebook and so this video from National Geographic.

Anyways, I just can't help but to post this video. Enjoy the show ^^,


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Thursday, May 3, 2012

she who has been: listening to

.. some classic stories

One of my aliens and I were talking about hackers a few seconds ago. This is how the conversation went:

SWHB: What would you do if you found out that one of your friends is a hacker?
Alien: I would love him hahaha

SWHB: Why? [me asking question while reading other things]
Alien: I actually have a friend loves computer and he did me a great favor once.

SWHB: Really? What did he do for you?

Alien: Once, when I was choosing subjects and needed this class but the school don't want to take me in anymore since the class was already full. I told it to my friend who is in the same class. What he did was really funny. He entered the school admin online then kicked one of the students out and typed in my name.

SWHB: hahaha How did he choose who needed some kicking?
Alien: He didn't like the sound of the student's name hehehe

Well, having a lot of friends no matter what they are and whatever size they came in, we have to love them all ^^, we never know when we needed their specialties.

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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

she who has been: missing sleeps lately

and I didn't know that until last night.

Since I started my second job late in March, the "self-deprived sleeping" sickness didn't start kicking in until last month. I missed one day work, an hour late and half hour late the next few weeks. I lost a lot for being late because I kept of turning off my alarm clock or forgetting to set it on. 

Yes, I have time to sleep longer on weekend but its really very hot in the morning and it usually wakes me up  but last night WOW! I came home at 2:30PM, I took my clothes off leaving my underwear on then bang! I went straight to bed and slept until this morning. I set my alarm clock at 6PM so I can do the laundry but I was like "the weather seems fine, I'll do the laundry on weekend" mood. I turned the alarm off then went back to bed. I can't remember what time was it when it started to rain but I was like "its good I didn't do the laundry" and the rain made the weather cooler so I slept better.    
taken from the VAR Guy.com
I woke up at around 12MN just the make sure I wont be late at work then went back to sleep again. Woke up again at 2AM to check the time and finally at 3:15. When my alarm ticked, I turned it off then went for another nap which is all crazy, anyways I promised myself that I wont do it again for the whole month of May.

I took the bus and saw two of my colleagues on the same bus. We decided to take a cab for the rest of the way and arrived 15 minutes before the time but 5 minutes on my computer time [YES! our timer is 10 minutes late and we don't have any plans of changing it hahaha]

I never felt so refreshed after that long sleep especially in this weather that we are having now. It seemed so long though in reality, its only been a month, since I had a proper sleep like that but dang it was really so good ^^,

I'll try to sleep that long on this weekend. I'll make myself tired for the whole day and hit the hay at 2:30 in the afternoon hahahaha

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Monday, April 30, 2012

she who has been: trying to stay awake

.. at work.

Yap its Monday and I'm surfing for songs on YouTube.

I am actually taking a nap after my first two calls and had a twenty minute break. I just can't take this scenario in my thick head which I will write on my next post but Adele's song keeps on popping as well. I don't have a radio at home so I can't say that I just can't get rid of this song because I kept on hearing it. This is not the official videos but I really look for something with the lyrics alone. 


Here is a short info about the song according to Wikipedia:


The piano and soul ballad was inspired by a broken relationship of Adele's, and lyrically it speaks of Adele coming to terms with it. Accompanied only by a piano played by co-writer Wilson, Adele sings about the end of the relationship with her ex-boyfriend. The original video showed Adele walking alone through the streets with a sad look on her face.




The track, which epitomizes the lyrical content of 21, summarizes the now defunct relationship that the record is all about. Adele has openly discussed the genesis of it saying, "Well, I wrote that song because I 
was exhausted from being such a bitch, with 'Rolling in the Deep' or 'Rumour Has It' ... I was really emotionally drained from the way I was portraying him, because even though I'm very bitter and regret some 
parts of it, he's still the most important person that's ever been in my life, and 'Someone Like You,' I had to write it to feel OK with myself and OK with the two years I spent with him. And when I did it, I felt so 
freed."


Adele had said that she began writing it on her acoustic guitar in the wake of the break-up of her 18-month relationship with the 30-year old man she thought she would marry. A few months after their split, he had 
gotten engaged to someone else. "We were so intense I thought we would get married. But that was something he never wanted ...So when I found out he does want that with someone else, it was just the horrible-est feeling ever. But after I wrote it, I felt more at peace. It set me free ... I didn't think it would resonate ... with the world! I'm never gonna write a song like that again. I think that's the song I'll be known 
for." She also said that "I wrote that song on the end of my bed. I had a cold. I was waiting for my bath to run. I'd found out that he'd got engaged to someone else."

Adele revealed that she was struggling emotionally when she composed it: "When I was writing it I was feeling pretty miserable and pretty lonely, which I guess kind of contradicts 'Rolling in the Deep'. Whereas that was about me saying, 'I'm going to be fine without you', this is me on my knees really." She discussed further the inspiration of the song: "I can imagine being about 40 and looking for him again, only to turn up 
and find that he's settled with a beautiful wife and beautiful kids and he's completely happy... and I'm still on my own. The song's about that and I'm scared at the thought of that."

Thanks Wiki ^^, 
Anyways, more of Adele's on my next post. 

...closed


Sunday, April 29, 2012

she who has been: watching this interview

.. with Russel Peters.

I was about to take a nap, its 1:00 MT and 32 degrees so I'm planning to snuggle under my pillows in an air-conditioned room when I opened this interview with Russel Peters. Its about his style and it appeals to the public in different culture.

Watch his other videos from YouTube but for now here he is, Russel Peters.

uploaded by AllanGregg on Dec 16, 2011

BTW:
I'll update some of my uploads today and give proper credit to people to whom I took it.

... closed

she who has been: reading and amazed

by this travel magazine.

I can't exactly remember how I ended up reading files from virtuoso.com, a network of finest travel agencies with knowledgeable travel advisors who draw upon first-hand experience to craft the perfect vacation for each client. 

I was truly amazed after reading some of their clients story. I even wanted to subscribe for its monthly magazine [not the eMag but the real mag] but it would be too expensive for me since I'm in RP, so sad. I also don't have an IPad since 1. I'm not a gadget junkie [I don't even have a cellphone for two weeks now, can you beat that?] and 2. I don't see any reasons on buying one [since I'm almost always in front of the computer anyway, I want my free time to be free computer too]. 

Anyways, if I still can't find all the books that I wanted to read and buy maybe, just maybe I might get one but still I have my laptop working [which I haven't opened for a month now] but for now, I\m still contented of using the computer and Internet in two offices that I am working for haha saves my electricity bills [smart neh? hehehe]

from virtuoso.com's official site

Let me go back to Virtuoso, anyways again after reading some of the articles here it made me not only want to subscribe but also to be one of their travel advisor not the client. You see I have a penchant in traveling though I can't travel often because my job [which I love doing but its getting bored now because I only sit for a long time] and my wallet are not allowing me. If I could have another job [honestly] I want it to be related in traveling, free would be best and I am so willing to get stress if its all because of traveling. Why? because getting stress to do something you love is not stress at all. You will even love the stress haha Also, I can get creative, so creative that even I wont think of doing it hahaha Anyways, it is just a wishful thinking but just the same ^^, its free to wish and I have so many of those wishful thinking-thingy which will be in my next post. 


... closed.

she who has been: laughing for all week

... because of Russell Peters.

I was introduced to Russel Peters one boring morning at work by my Team Leader, Happy. She tried to send one of his offline / downloaded video to me but I need to move to another station and then a few days ago, when I found out that I can access You Tube again on line I decided to check him out so I wont fall asleep at work [yes, sometimes morning works are boring and tend to make me sleepy].

Here is one of his videos and this one made me roll on my belly 



Also, here are some info of him from wiki:

Russell Dominic Peters (born September 29, 1970) is an Canadian-Indian comedian, actor and disc jockey.
He's stand-up performances are mostly made up of observational comedy where he uses humor to highlight racial, ethnic, class and cultural stereotypes. He often refers his own life experiences growing up in an Indian family and impersonates various English accents of different groups in his act to poke fun at each group.
As Peters told an audience in San Francisco, "I don't make the stereotypes, I just see them." Russell Peters uses his minority status to allow him to poke fun at different races in his performance.

Peters' is widely known for his comedy punchlines "Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad" in which he tells a joke about his childhood with a traditional Indian father who would use corporal punishment and “Be a man!" while imitating an Asian trying to get him to pay more for an item at a shop which you could actually hear/see in the video above.

More of him next post.

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she who has been: listing and browsing

all her favorite music videos.

I might not find ALL but I'll try to post some at least.
Here's more of Bruno Mars.

1. Just The Way You Are
~ Its good to be loved just the way we are isn't it.



2. I Wanna Be A Billionaire.
~ and who doesn't by the way ^^,



3. Marry You


4. Nothing On You
~ and why not?

I've been wanting to post some of my favorites here but for some odd reasons I just did it now.

... closed

she who has been: singing this song

... at her second job for a week now and decided to post since she finds it really funny

YAP! people this the Lazy Song by Bruno Mars. This is an old song but anyways, its one of my favorites.

 

Here is a short intro of him from wikipedia:


Peter Gene Hernandez (born October 8, 1985), or Bruno Mars, is an American singer-songwriter and record producer. Raised in Honolulu, Hawaii by a family of musicians, Mars began making music at a young age. His parents are Pete Hernandez, a Puerto Rican and Bernadette "Bernie" a Filipino. They met while performing on where his mother was a Hula dancer and his father played percussion.


In 2003, shortly after graduating from President Theodore Roosevelt High School at the age of seventeen, Mars moved to Los Angeles, California, to pursue a musical career. He adopted his stage name from the nickname his father gave him, adding "Mars" at the end because "I felt like I didn't have [any] pizzazz, and 
a lot of girls say I’m out of this world, so I was like I guess I'm from Mars."

.. closed